Grief demands we stand face-to-face with it and admit the messy truth of our brokenness. On the afternoon of December 23, 2011, Judi Merriam's eighteen-year-old son, Jenson, took his own life-an act that blindsided everyone who knew him-changing her life and those of her family forever. This is the story of Jenson's life and death-and of Judi's path to surviving without the physical presence of the kind, intelligent, and endlessly creative young man she never imagined she would outlive. The suicide of a loved one can be devastating for those left behind and bring deep despair and seemingly endless grief. Judi was forced to confront profound feelings of loss and guilt and a future so very different from what she thought it would be. In this honest and soul-searching memoir, Judi reflects with grace and courage on the fragile and amazing, terrifying and broken, and glorious and painful experience of living life after an unfathomable loss.